Living a lie with alcohol

Maintaining the double life of an alcoholic could mean losing a job, a relationship, money or your health.

At Ocean Hills, we know that when you’re abusing alcohol, it can feel like you’re living a double life — pretending to be someone you’re not, trying to keep up appearances while quietly battling shame and fear. Living a lie with alcohol isn’t just exhausting — it slowly strips away your peace of mind, your self-respect, and your connection with others.

It might look like having a few drinks before people arrive at your house so you can relax and “get in the mood.” Or needing a drink before doing something that scares you, like public speaking, a family gathering, or even a hard conversation with a loved one. It might mean pretending to drink just a little when you’re around others, while secretly topping up your glass when no one is looking.

Like podcasts? Listen to the Who Do I Talk to About Addiction? episode of the Ocean Hills *Addicted to Rehab podcast here.

The lies often start small — and often with good intentions.

Perhaps it’s opening a bottle of wine when your partner gets home, as if it’s your first drink of the day — even though it isn’t. Maybe it’s trying desperately to appear sober so that no one suspects how much you’ve had. Or pretending you remember a conversation from the night before when, deep down, you know you don’t.

The lies often start small — and often with good intentions. You tell yourself you’re in control. You don’t want to worry anyone. You want to keep your job, your family, your reputation intact. But over time, maintaining the double life takes over everything. Hiding your drinking becomes a job in itself — one that requires planning, manipulation, secrecy, and constant vigilance.

You might find yourself going to great lengths to hide or dispose of empty bottles, or timing your drinking so that no one notices. Maybe you drink in the morning just to steady your nerves and feel “normal” enough to get through the day. You promise yourself it’s just this once. But then tomorrow comes, and it starts again.

For many people, this hidden life becomes unbearable. Maintaining the illusion often means losing something far more valuable — a job, a relationship, money, health, or your sense of self. It can mean looking in the mirror and not recognising the person looking back.

You may feel disgusted, ashamed, or simply defeated, yet keep going because it feels like there’s no way out.

You might make excuses to colleagues and loved ones about why you’re late again, why you missed another commitment, or why you said something hurtful that you can’t remember.

You might apologise, promise it won’t happen again, and truly mean it — only to find yourself repeating the same patterns days later.

Hiding an addiction is lonely. It’s grim. And eventually, it becomes impossible.

Like podcasts? Listen to the Am I An Addict? episode of the Ocean Hills *Addicted to Recovery podcast here.

The moment of honesty is the beginning of healing.

The turning point

There often comes a day — or sometimes a slow, dawning realisation — that you can’t keep living like this. You’re sick and tired of pretending, of lying to others and to yourself. You’re tired of feeling anxious, guilty, and hollow. You might not know what recovery looks like yet, but you know that something has to change.

That moment — the moment of honesty — is the beginning of healing.

At Ocean Hills, we’ve seen what happens when people finally stop hiding and start telling the truth about their drinking. The relief is immediate and profound. Honesty lifts the burden. It opens the door to genuine connection and allows for the possibility of a different kind of life — one built on self-respect, authenticity, and peace.

Recovery isn’t about punishment or deprivation — it’s about freedom. It’s about waking up clear-headed, remembering what you said and did the night before. It’s about being fully present with your loved ones. It’s about making choices from a place of calm and confidence, not fear or guilt.

Living without alcohol doesn’t mean your problems disappear overnight, but it does mean you face them with courage instead of avoidance. You begin to rebuild trust — with others, and with yourself. You rediscover who you really are, and what truly matters to you.

At Ocean Hills, we understand that taking the first step requires courage. Asking for help means admitting you can’t do it alone — but that’s exactly where healing begins. Our private, professional environment provides a safe space to let go of the double life and learn new ways to live.

You don’t have to act anymore. You don’t have to lie, hide, or manage the exhausting performance that alcohol demands. You can be yourself — fully, honestly, and freely.

Like podcasts? Listen to the Why Go To Rehab? episode of the Ocean Hills *Addicted to Rehab podcast here.

Sick and tired of living a lie with alcohol

If you or your loved one is sick and tired of living a lie with alcohol, there is a way out. It starts with honesty, a willingness to ask for help, and an openness to change.

At Ocean Hills, we’re here to walk that path with you — with compassion, respect, and the understanding that you’ve already done the hardest part by deciding you’re ready for something better.

A life free from alcohol is worth it. And it’s waiting for you.

*This podcast was made with the help of Radio Hawke's Bay.

For a confidential chat with Elaine, call 027 573 7744.

If you want to find out more about Ocean Hills, contact the team or call Elaine on 027 573 7744 for a confidential chat.